Married and Navigating Jewish Life

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Posts Tagged ‘rabbis

Did anyone else see those flyers on the floor around Flatbush about the abuse law being voted on soon?

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Well did you?

We did. I was actually walking with one of my children. We decided to laugh at the people running around collected them to throw out, including an elderly woman (when I say that she looked to be in her 60s without any wig it seemed) who was running around particularly to throw them out. Along with that we saw a Hot Chanie, a few Oreos, and also someone who apparently yelled at his children to not even look at them and throw them out in all haste while their mother apparently disagreed.

Yeah so the essence of the letter was to tell people that there is a law that would increase the statute of limitations from only a few years to a while 10 years. And who is against this ability to go after woman who abuse men, men who abuse women, and people who abuse children? The Agudah Israel – and who have they joined forces with? The Catholic Church. Forget about the fact that also many prominent Jewish Organizations won’t even take a stance on the issue.

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Written by frombrooklyn

April 17, 2009 at 11:19 AM

Great post about Ashkenazim going against Kitniyos…essentially ‘why do we have these chumras’

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Frum Satire has this great article with a few commenters bringing in links to show that people where this has been happening.

Honestly; too bad this wouldn’t be a trend.

Around here in Flatbush its the tendency to go more for the chumras than it is for going with just pure halacha. Of course maybe I shouldn’t talk, in my family we don’t even eat gebraks. Why don’t we? Because this is what we do. Maybe if we lived in an area where there was NO ONE doing it perhaps we would break down and do it because not going to not allow us to go over to other houses for Yom Tov – that would make it a horrible Yom Tov and I don’t feel that a minhag should ruin a Yom Tov.

However since we know plenty of people in Flatbush that do keep non-grebaks well..this is what we are doing.

Honestly chumras are currently breaking the communities into fragments. Or making people resentful of Rabbis. Or just making people into blind walking sheep.

Honestly, why isn’t an Eruv made by the same Rav who approves the Boro Park Eruv that Flatbush people use not Kosher?

How is there a good, kosher, upper east side eruv and none in the lower east side?

Why aren’t there are least mini Eruvs in Flatbush?

How come Rabbis won’t come out with a definitive by the book halachas for married people?

Why are people completely blind to abuses among our children and married people?

Why do divorces need to wait for weeks or months because Rabbis don’t want to convene their courts?

The list goes on…and many times they hide it all behind the idea that ‘this is what we say because this is the law’

It isn’t the law when it’s a chumra. Chumras are supposed to be accepted by people not forced upon them.

Written by frombrooklyn

April 17, 2009 at 11:10 AM

Huge jump in traffic last few days. Problem has to do with all the married trash going ahead and cheating.

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Given the fact that we actually know several married couples actively getting sep/divorced due to cheating and major marriage problems we are actually really upset about it all.

I think that the huge spike in interest in tefilin dates (which is why we got closest to 300 hits the last few days – each!)

Probably has a connection to what I saw on frumsatire concerning a site for frum people to find other people to get ‘laid’.

The problem is not what is going on about it but how did these problems come up? Why are these people doing these things to their spouses? Why are people cheating or swinging their way through an intimate act that should be between husband and wife?

It really is hard to judge some of these people so readily. Come on let us be realistic. If someone is in a horrible marriage do they not deserve some happiness? Some form of release from what they consider to be a prison of sorts?

A marriage shouldn’t be dead for half the time.

And that is where lays the problem.

Jewish people have this perverse need for the following concept – that divorce is horrible. That shidduch is the only way. That you just need to accept how people are in a marriage. That isn’t true!

Yes society might be influencing people. People might get caught up in addictions (sex, porn, drugs, etc) but that is only a tip of the true problem.

Honestly much of the frum world does not learn about marriage and sex until they are about to get married/married. This means you are learning as you go along. This shouldn’t be the case. Everyone needs to be knowledgeable about all aspects of marriage BEFORE they get married. They need to be given the time to actually understand and look into what they like and do not like.

As an example:

A bochur might of been raised that the wife does everything at home. Changes the babies, cleans, cooks, etc even if she works. It worked for his mother.

Now either he could marry a girl who agrees with it or he can end up with a girl who learned that marriage is more about shared obligation. She had a father who was much more involved, that cooked, changed diapers, etc. They NEVER discuss this between one another and why would they? Many couples do not discuss every day marriage life but focus on their backgrounds and likes and dislikes that are here today. They end up fighting constantly and have severe marriage problems because of their different outlooks.

OR

Take a guy is hates being naked. Doesn’t like to be seen even nude by anyone at all. He doesn’t even go to the mikvah. So when he gets married he goes very strict. The room is pitch black, he won’t show his wife anything, he fumbles around in bed, doesn’t bother to want to see her, etc. His wife on the other hand has no problem with wanting to show off her body. She is attracted to her husband and wants him to be attracted to her. His revulsion of being nude and showing himself off puts her off. She feels unattracted. However she has gotten pregnant and is having a kid. The rest of their marriage is somewhat okay but in the bedroom NOTHING is fine. She feels more rejected. She doesn’t get dressed up, doesn’t care about how the house looks, etc. Eventually their loves turns into…something that is a contract because of the kids than about how they really feel about one another.

Bottom line is that we know personally, with a dollop of liberal changing of the stories – that these things do happen.

Honestly when is the Jewish world going to learn that we need to find solutions to these problems instead of figuring how to bury it deeper.

Written by frombrooklyn

March 31, 2009 at 3:06 PM

Your child has been thrown out of the school. The reason? You don’t have a kosher cell phone

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The BCC has an article concerning the whole entire ‘kosher cell phone’ frenzy that is surging across Israel in the Hareti sector.

So apparently, text messaging is not kosher, taking pictures or having a camera on your cell phone is not kosher, and being able to check the internet isn’t kosher either. So you can’t take a picture of your friends learning, or text your chavrusa you’ll be late, or check the stocks to make you pray harder to Hashem.

EVERYTHING can be abused to do sins. But this is over the top. B”H it really hasn’t penetrated the US however it is sad to see that Haredi people in Israel are now thinking that a shidduch can be ruined because a family has an ‘unkosher’ cell phone!

I repeat that bracha I wish Hashem would give us all from my previous comment on a previous post

Written by frombrooklyn

October 6, 2008 at 1:20 PM

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Heter to postpone children – in any fashion. Why is it so hard? Readers share your stories

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We have been reading up over by CK lately that there seems to be more posts about getting the heter to either 1) wait to have children OR 2) to prevent pregnancy due to medical reasons. Many people seem to have a problem getting the heters they need.

There are many reasons why people want a heter. They might want to enjoy being married. Having financial difficulty. Medical issues related that would become worse or fatal if one became pregnant. All of these reasons have one thing in common – none of these people have a wish to never become pregnant. They want to have children. Or they have already had the number of children required and want to take things slower. Unfortunately for many people they seem to be stuck and become resentful about this entire issue.

So we are wondering, who has had this issue? What were your reasons to postpone? Did you have a hard time finding a heter or did you just do it on your own?

Written by frombrooklyn

September 9, 2008 at 2:15 AM