Married and Navigating Jewish Life

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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage

Seriously, everyone should use these Monopoly Rules every motzei Shabbas

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Hey everyone,

So this is rules for Monopoly that you should use Motzei Shabbas to unwind to be able to enjoy the after Shabbas with their wife. Here are the rules:

1) Take out Monopoly
2) Give out the money
3) Have a pitcher of alcohol mixture (like vodka and orange juice)
4) When you pass go you take a shot
5) Doubles = a shot
6) Going to jail = a shot
7) Paying taxes/money into pot = shot
8) Landing on Free Parking = shot
9) Keep repeating till tipsy like us 🙂

It’s a good way to unwind esp. after the loooong Pesach Yom Tov and Shabbas

Enjoy!

P.S. We are playing it right now, hense the post and a little tipsy as my wife is encouraging me to say

~Husband

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Written by frombrooklyn

April 19, 2009 at 4:18 AM

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Efforts to combat sex crimes within the Jewish Community in Brooklyn have been spurred forward by the Brooklyn DA Office in conjunction with Jewish Groups

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Newsday, through referring to the NY Daily News) is reporting that the Brooklyn DA office is working with religious leaders, therapists, etc to be able to combat the rise of sex crimes within the Jewish Community.

At the current count the DA says they are actively involved with 19 cases of reported sex crimes within the Jewish Community.

It’s great to see that such an active effort is being undertaken and that the DA is planning on having their teams go to schools and religious groups within the Jewish Community to be able to make people aware of how dangerous predators can be – at any age and with any gender I should hope.

Honestly I feel that they might focus too much on just the school issues, though it is a severe problem. However there are so many people, both men and women, who are being abused sexual that are not in the schools or for that fact are married!

They are opening a hotline for people to call in as well as having people come in for meetings and counseling.

Spread the word people

Written by frombrooklyn

April 1, 2009 at 1:18 PM

Huge jump in traffic last few days. Problem has to do with all the married trash going ahead and cheating.

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Given the fact that we actually know several married couples actively getting sep/divorced due to cheating and major marriage problems we are actually really upset about it all.

I think that the huge spike in interest in tefilin dates (which is why we got closest to 300 hits the last few days – each!)

Probably has a connection to what I saw on frumsatire concerning a site for frum people to find other people to get ‘laid’.

The problem is not what is going on about it but how did these problems come up? Why are these people doing these things to their spouses? Why are people cheating or swinging their way through an intimate act that should be between husband and wife?

It really is hard to judge some of these people so readily. Come on let us be realistic. If someone is in a horrible marriage do they not deserve some happiness? Some form of release from what they consider to be a prison of sorts?

A marriage shouldn’t be dead for half the time.

And that is where lays the problem.

Jewish people have this perverse need for the following concept – that divorce is horrible. That shidduch is the only way. That you just need to accept how people are in a marriage. That isn’t true!

Yes society might be influencing people. People might get caught up in addictions (sex, porn, drugs, etc) but that is only a tip of the true problem.

Honestly much of the frum world does not learn about marriage and sex until they are about to get married/married. This means you are learning as you go along. This shouldn’t be the case. Everyone needs to be knowledgeable about all aspects of marriage BEFORE they get married. They need to be given the time to actually understand and look into what they like and do not like.

As an example:

A bochur might of been raised that the wife does everything at home. Changes the babies, cleans, cooks, etc even if she works. It worked for his mother.

Now either he could marry a girl who agrees with it or he can end up with a girl who learned that marriage is more about shared obligation. She had a father who was much more involved, that cooked, changed diapers, etc. They NEVER discuss this between one another and why would they? Many couples do not discuss every day marriage life but focus on their backgrounds and likes and dislikes that are here today. They end up fighting constantly and have severe marriage problems because of their different outlooks.

OR

Take a guy is hates being naked. Doesn’t like to be seen even nude by anyone at all. He doesn’t even go to the mikvah. So when he gets married he goes very strict. The room is pitch black, he won’t show his wife anything, he fumbles around in bed, doesn’t bother to want to see her, etc. His wife on the other hand has no problem with wanting to show off her body. She is attracted to her husband and wants him to be attracted to her. His revulsion of being nude and showing himself off puts her off. She feels unattracted. However she has gotten pregnant and is having a kid. The rest of their marriage is somewhat okay but in the bedroom NOTHING is fine. She feels more rejected. She doesn’t get dressed up, doesn’t care about how the house looks, etc. Eventually their loves turns into…something that is a contract because of the kids than about how they really feel about one another.

Bottom line is that we know personally, with a dollop of liberal changing of the stories – that these things do happen.

Honestly when is the Jewish world going to learn that we need to find solutions to these problems instead of figuring how to bury it deeper.

Written by frombrooklyn

March 31, 2009 at 3:06 PM

We are working on our shopping advise for sexual aids (aka sex toys, books, etc) – taking comments and other peoples suggestions as to what to put on our list

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Yup, so we decided that many Jews might not have the same breadth of knowledge on sexual aids that we do. We actively look for new books to read along with having our own fav toys as well as ones we wish we had, know the reviews, but just can’t get them now.

But do you have any suggestions? Taking them till the end of this week because starting Motzei Shabbas we’ll be putting our list out of whats hot to buy.

Written by frombrooklyn

December 10, 2008 at 12:40 PM

Chemicals changing the gender equasion in the entire world. Our musings on it.

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The Independent in the UK is running the article that tomorrow Scientists will be unveiling proof that gender-bender chemicals have been changing the genetic landscape in the world. Beyond that, they are also stating that PCB chemicals are causing hormonal shifts in boys making them more ‘feminine’ in terms of wanting to play with dolls and do other ‘girlie’ things. Read the article and then read our musing.

Not going to debate on the psych effect of other things are doing to children today, it is interesting to speculate on the following concepts. Now bear with us.

Right now the entire Jewish population within NYC is undergoing a continuing change in issues with the following – in the Chassidish Communities there are more boys than girls being born. In the Ashkenaz/Yeshivish communities there are more girls than boys being born. I am going to eliminate the Russian, Sefardic, and Modern communities from this musing for right now for reasons we will discuss below.

Think about it, where did the Chassidim come from? They always were ‘sheltered’. They didn’t live in large cities. They stayed away from goyim. Even when they came to America they avoided the norm of life in America. They didn’t work in factories, tried to keep insular as well. Which is why Boro Park and Williamsburg have flourished – they have no real factories there, no chemicals spewing out, they have kept to themselves – and they are having more boys. Even if you put in the community of Chassidim that were near or worked in factories they were not the majority and the influx of those people into the larger population would not affected the end result of being able to not have their gender production affected.

With the Yeshivish/Ashkenaz communities, many of them were in larger cities in Europe before coming here. When they did come here they worked in areas that were heavy with factories. The chemicals could of affected them. The Yeshivish mainly married themselves and since the majority of the Yeshivish/Ashkenaz communities were working in the factories or near them/major cities then after generations it could be that finally the effect of over 100 years of exposure to these issues could of affected the gender equasion.

This could explain why the large cities are having this problem (aka East Coast and some of the Midwest) versus the rural areas and the west coast who seem to not have such a large ration of girls to boys like we do here.

And yes, the older single situation is affecting this, but many people have stated that the situation still shouldnt be like this. It only is because with more girls than boys, the older men can select younger nubile girls and ignore the older ones.

The reason why I exempted the Russian and Sefardic communities from this is that due to where they lived/came from the amount of industrialized chemicals effecting them the last 100 years has been far less and therefore which is probably why the Sefardic communities are not having such a ratio issue and that it seems that the Russian communities are also not having it even though many of them are not a part of the Yeshivish/Ashkenaz communities. The more modern Jews (Orthadox, Modern Orthadox, etc) traditionally have less children (through whatever reason) and also by working more white collar jobs have had less exposure so the effect is less there even though there is a ratio issue there as well.

The reason we think that this could be somehow related is because scientific studies have shown that chemical changes to the body have been passed down through offspring. So therefore if the effect kept happening ever generation and it was passed on to each generation then it would be affecting primarily cities where the population has been intermarrying itself. Since NY area people marry NY area people more…this could be a problem.

According to the national census there are more girls than boys in NYC, but its more like 5 girls to every 4 boys and the Jewish Population has it a lot worse. Also, put it in the idea that they have a larger population to marry and the immigrants coming in should deviate this concept even more means that there might be something here to the whole ‘gender-bending’ issue.

Anyways this is just speculation on our part but you know, it could make some sense and give us an idea of yet another issue we need to figure a solution for.

Written by frombrooklyn

December 8, 2008 at 2:32 PM

We are reminded of the generation that is supposed to be rude to their elders…and it got us thinking

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So this popped into our heads.

We always thought it was the kids being disrespectful to elders. The cursing, the ignoring of valid rules, the pushing of youth independence was to be that.

However, we always thought that was somewhat normal – society had placed artificial barriers around youth who a hundred years ago would of already been married and working.

So, we had this thought.

The rudeness is meant to be us VS the Rabbis

Seriously, think this out.

How many of you respect the Ravs now? Or wish to truly listen to them? Do you honestly agree with their opinions? Their feelings about what is correct? That they use their own feelings to ‘make halacha’ as they see fit? What about the Flatbush Eruv? Strictness of Mikvah when it isn’t needed? Uneducated masses in terms of bedroom 101? The Yeshivas unable to provide a proper education in both Hebrew and English Subjects? The failings of the Kollel Lifestyle? The eliteness shown by the Yeshivish Community? The list unfortunately goes on and on.

We need to remember as we enter this new year that we need to respect Jews as a Jew. We need to remember that you need to find a Rav you respect and knows you and follow him. Don’t go with the crowd. Don’t feel pushed to follow everyone else. Know who you are inside, what your level is, and a Rav that equals that.

Written by frombrooklyn

October 2, 2008 at 11:23 PM

Heter to postpone children – in any fashion. Why is it so hard? Readers share your stories

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We have been reading up over by CK lately that there seems to be more posts about getting the heter to either 1) wait to have children OR 2) to prevent pregnancy due to medical reasons. Many people seem to have a problem getting the heters they need.

There are many reasons why people want a heter. They might want to enjoy being married. Having financial difficulty. Medical issues related that would become worse or fatal if one became pregnant. All of these reasons have one thing in common – none of these people have a wish to never become pregnant. They want to have children. Or they have already had the number of children required and want to take things slower. Unfortunately for many people they seem to be stuck and become resentful about this entire issue.

So we are wondering, who has had this issue? What were your reasons to postpone? Did you have a hard time finding a heter or did you just do it on your own?

Written by frombrooklyn

September 9, 2008 at 2:15 AM