Married and Navigating Jewish Life

Blogging about marriage and relationships

Question from a commentor: Turning the tables a bit, how prepared were we for ‘marriage’ aka come on you know the word

with 5 comments

Pinny Wrote: Turning the tables a bit, how prepared were YOU for all the things you list in the 1st paragraph?

back in our previous post here

So, how prepared were we for the entire marriage/sex?

Actually pretty well prepared.

Placing aside that we had great Chasson/Kallah teachers who taught us the laws of Nidda very well. With regards to the whole sex it can be summed up in the following ‘As long as she is okay with it’s good’ Her parents really didn’t teach her the birds and the bees but she learned a lot from friends and those wonderful teenager books. Same here with myself in which I learned what I knew about my body and others by books or through friends. Neither of our parents are closed minded about sex, it just wasn’t brought up.

Back to the marriage…We went by what we were told, that everything is okay in Moderation. The whole ‘spilling seed’ is a seperate issue and we were told to avoid as much as we could.

We read a lot of books. And we do mean a lot of books. We discussed during our engagement what we thought about sex. I was the one who brought up sex toys. My wife was a little shy at that type of stuff but she was willing to try. We started off slow and worked out way through things we wanted to try and kept expanding our literacy library of sex – then our toy selection (which expands to this day, along with the books).

Curiosity is the key in learning about this. Also having an understanding or supportive spouse will help you go far. Reading books and learning that all of these things CAN BE NORMAL is the first step in seeing if maybe your marriage can benefit from learning new positions, use of marital aids, and other fun ideas.


Written by frombrooklyn

August 26, 2008 at 6:34 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

5 Responses

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  1. I grew up in a frum MO home and went to YU, where I took my chasan classes. I also had a “chasan schmoose” with a local rabbi. With regards to sex I found them both to be useless. My wife was brought up as the typical frum girl is to be a prude, and scared of anything that is not the missionary position under the covers. And so it has been for almost 10 years. Would I like more excitement, sure, but I know my wife would never go for anything past the standard missionary position so that is where we stay.


    August 26, 2008 at 8:58 PM

  2. Is she prude because of religiousness or prude because that how she is? Prude because of personality is harder to overcome but if its based on religiousness a good Rav who you trust about these issues should be able to overcome it.

    I hope others will read your comment and see how unfortunate this situation you are in, and how countless woman and men who are frum are also in it. Sexual feelings and thoughts need to be address appropriately and couples need to be on the same page or else a part of a marriage that is supposed to be cherished wont be


    August 26, 2008 at 11:14 PM

  3. FromBroklyn:
    Can you give me your email address or send me an email so that I can respond.



    August 29, 2008 at 3:46 AM

  4. its frombklyn at gmail com


    August 29, 2008 at 9:49 PM

  5. I went to yeshiva and never heard of chasan or kallah classes.


    September 28, 2008 at 2:49 AM

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