Married and Navigating Jewish Life

Blogging about marriage and relationships

Archive for August 2008

Question from a commentor: Turning the tables a bit, how prepared were we for ‘marriage’ aka come on you know the word

with 5 comments

Pinny Wrote: Turning the tables a bit, how prepared were YOU for all the things you list in the 1st paragraph?

back in our previous post here

So, how prepared were we for the entire marriage/sex?

Actually pretty well prepared.

Placing aside that we had great Chasson/Kallah teachers who taught us the laws of Nidda very well. With regards to the whole sex it can be summed up in the following ‘As long as she is okay with it’s good’ Her parents really didn’t teach her the birds and the bees but she learned a lot from friends and those wonderful teenager books. Same here with myself in which I learned what I knew about my body and others by books or through friends. Neither of our parents are closed minded about sex, it just wasn’t brought up.

Back to the marriage…We went by what we were told, that everything is okay in Moderation. The whole ‘spilling seed’ is a seperate issue and we were told to avoid as much as we could.

We read a lot of books. And we do mean a lot of books. We discussed during our engagement what we thought about sex. I was the one who brought up sex toys. My wife was a little shy at that type of stuff but she was willing to try. We started off slow and worked out way through things we wanted to try and kept expanding our literacy library of sex – then our toy selection (which expands to this day, along with the books).

Curiosity is the key in learning about this. Also having an understanding or supportive spouse will help you go far. Reading books and learning that all of these things CAN BE NORMAL is the first step in seeing if maybe your marriage can benefit from learning new positions, use of marital aids, and other fun ideas.

Written by frombrooklyn

August 26, 2008 at 6:34 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

New look to the blog, it’s cleaner and also has RSS Subscription prominent on the top of the page

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A commenter on our previous post asked us about adding an add-on to allow people to subscribe to this blog.

Problem is, this blog is on wordpress.com. If we had our own domain and hosted it separately then we could do so. Alas, we save our money for our child(ren) so currently we don’t have that kind of money to set aside. So, the best thing I can do is enable all the subscribing stuff, such as RSS, Delicious, and others.

New post later tonight

Written by frombrooklyn

August 26, 2008 at 2:42 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

How many of you really were prepared for the ‘SEX’ when you got married?

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Seriously, how many of you were truly ready? That your ‘teachers’ told you all that you needed to know? That your parents told you about the birds and the bees and that you knew what to do in bed and how to treat your spouse properly.

Well, the next whole bunch of articles that we are going to be throwing out for general consumption are going to run from the time of engagement all the way to keeping this fun and 😉 for after you have kids.

Hoping we actually get some comments or emails about this before we begin posting the posts. If you want to write a comment and dont want it published that would be acceptable.

Thanks

/Husband and Wife

Written by frombrooklyn

August 24, 2008 at 5:51 AM

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Parenting 101: Why are parents paying for their children’s lives after marriage? Our experience so far in apt hunting

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Seriously.
We are looking to move, as are several of our friends. We have outgrown our small but nice apartment and have been looking for a nice 2 or 3 bedroom to look into. We both have decent jobs, our parents do not support us and many of our friends do not have that luxury where their parents can help them even when they started off their marriage. Though we can be truthful in stating that the majority of our friends are not in Kollel so maybe that is why they aren’t being supported.

So as we have been to several apartments and really…we are kind of shocked. We didn’t go to many 2 bedrooms (they were too small) so we really looked heavily and went out of our way to check out 3 bedroom ones. When we got there we had been told that they had several people already looking at their apt (not surprising, 3 bedrooms are at a premium in Flatbush in the 1600 – 1800 dollar range) and that they were learning towards the following types of people…..drumroll…chasson and kallahs.

And not just chasson and kallahs, ones whose husbands were primarily in Kollel.

So – basically, we were looking at apartments for our growing family, have a nice steady income, can easily pay the rent – and we were being beaten out by Chasson and Kallahs who were living off of Kollel incomes and were going to take a 3 bedroom now.

Now, we don’t mind if you can afford a 3 bedroom in the beginning and choose to get it. It’s the next comments from these many landlords that got us upset.

‘Parents have come with them or when they have called parents they have been given assurances that the rent will be paid by them because they are helping their children’

Now – that is upsetting. Why?

In the state of the current economy and with people needing to realize that the current Kollel System is unable to function effectively due to the economy and that parents are being pressured more and more to support their children in a kollel lifestyle…it used to be a Kollel Lifestyle meant you did without and you made what you had work. It didn’t mean that Emma and Abba were able to hand you money every month to cover your expenses.

Ten to twenty years ago Kollel Life was very different. Back them people realized you need to save money, that your parents shouldnt be forced to support you. Now? It’s expected. And it’s disgusting.

How are these parents training their kids for the future? That they can rely on an unending support financial? That’s insane because it will end sometime in the future. Eventually these families will have to depend only on their income and then what? How will they pay the bills? Tuition? Rent? Food? Government assistance can only do so much people.

Doesn’t it make more sense to take a smaller apartment and save the money? Put it into high yield CD accounts? Start saving up for those large tuitions and to buy a house in the future?

Written by frombrooklyn

August 20, 2008 at 5:26 PM

Repost: What does every Jewish home needs? A kosher sex room thats what

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A repost from over a year ago.

This is probably bound to get a like of hideous people who do those damnable google searches trying to find frum porn or the like. However we feel that well…we already get plenty of those so therefore so what? As we were together we got to thinking about a smart aleck comment I made about ‘Jews should have a seperate room off their master bedroom for a sex room so they can lock it up and keep the kids out’. Well that off the wall comment brought us to some very serious thoughts. Let’s face it; this might not apply to married couples who don’t have kids and also do not have family members who walk into their home uninvited. This would be for those who do have relatives who come in the door without announcing themselves and have kids. So, why a “Kosher Sex Room”? I mean don’t we have enough rooms that we want? We all want a 2nd Kitchen for Pesach, a Shabbas Playroom for the Kids (see Basement uses), extra bathrooms for the amount of kids you have (and in Flatbush its usually more girls than boys at home and we all know that girls from HS and above need to put on the makeup and blitz the zits and zap the pits to already get on the right lists), and can’t forget the study, the large living room and dining room, and of course the transforming of closets into bedrooms because you have run out of bedrooms and rooms for the kids.So, this extra room, off the master bedroom, what’s the reason? Let’s count the ways,

* Can lock up so your kids don’t know that Mommy and Daddy can sleep in the same bed
* Can hide the TV and Computer from your kids
* Hide the secular books from your kids
* Turn it into a hideaway from the children and everyone else
* Can make sure that there is complete darkness if you are following that opinion or make it as bright as you want without the kids knowing you are still up.
* Hide the sex toys, porn, and sexual aids that you might use
* Home Videoes of Mommy and Daddy Storage
* Private Pics of Mommy and Daddy Storage
* One word: Soundproofing

Yeah, sounds a bit boring in the end and you can only say that if you could compare it to a sex room for goyim. They have hanging bars, stretching bars, swings, etc and those rooms are never really intended to be a secret – generally they are there until they need to turn it into a nursery.However for us married people without a room to call our own for those two precious weeks we have together, its a nice idea. In this day in age, if you really want to be what you wish in the bedroom with your spouse and do whatever you want how can you? Can you trust your children to not go through drawers that you might leave unguarded? To not find things that you do not want them to see? Or even walk in unknowing? We were making a pointed comment that once our child grows up and gets older that we’ll even need to be quiet during our time together because they might overhear!?! Yes, they don’t make walls like they used to. We always hear our neighbors and I am sure they hear us. So is this kind of room out of the question? Not really, maybe it should be renamed to ‘Mommy and Daddy Private Room’ but that wouldn’t of drawn so many of you to come and read this. Hoping more people comment than lurk for this time around, wondering if anyone feels that only having such a private room will give you that peace of mind to have those things in the house and be whatever you wish to be with your spouse without the children/relatives finding out.

Written by frombrooklyn

August 17, 2008 at 4:58 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

It’s a sad world when sex is a taboo word, especially in the Jewish World

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It is a sad day.

Like it is every single day.

Seriously, why is it that sex is such taboo issue among Jews and it shouldn’t be. The Gemara says to sleep naked with your spouse and the Rambam stated that everything can be done as long as you remember that everything should be done in moderation.

Sex is not about shutting off the lights, hiding under the covers, and trying to figure out how to figure out how to insert C into socket V. There is a lot more to that. There is a reason why Hashem made it pleasurable. It is meant to be fun. It’s the one thing that is supposed to be only for a Husband and a Wife and it is the extra whip cream and cherry that goes with that ice cream we call marriage. Without it then you might as well take an ad out in the Jewish Press for an opposite gender roommate that is healthy and is willing to have unprotected sex for the purposes of having children.

So, we do hope that our blog will be more about this. Discussing the aspects of Jewish Marriage that others will not talk about. To be able to point out ‘Well this type of position can be fun’ ‘This is how you hide stuff from the kids’ and ‘this sex toy is great!’ is currently we believe a realistic goal. Not every Jew is knowledgable in this stuff, and since we are…well we’ll shout it out for you.

So, starting Monday we’ll be posting up our first post concerning this. If you have any questions, comments, ideas for a topic either 1) reply to a blog post or 2) email it to our address which is on top of the page.

Thanks!

/Husband and Wife

Written by frombrooklyn

August 15, 2008 at 8:21 PM

Going back to our roots in terms of our blogging posts

with 2 comments

So truthfully we used to only focus on sexual issues back when we were on CK and then we kinda branched out.

After a lot of thinking; we decided we should just go back to our roots and post and comment on family issues and sexual issues that we feel deserve attention.

Among our friends we are shocked about the lack of basic knowledge. We know among religious Jews truthfully such information is suppressed. Rabbis base Halacha on their opinion instead of what the basic halacha is supposed to be.

So, expect more posts on us mainly on those issues. Parenting, Marriage, and Sex.

Feel free to email or post questions here and we will be more than happy to use them as a jumping point for posts.

Thanks!

Written by frombrooklyn

August 6, 2008 at 3:58 AM

Posted in Uncategorized