Married and Navigating Jewish Life

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Facebook Tefilin Date Group is reaching close to 400 members…even as a joke does this shock you or not? What should the Frum Community really do about premartial sex?

with 8 comments

If you have Facebook go search for it and decide how you feel about it, but please, don’t join them to just bash them. At the very least the group opened up my eyes on that whole drug incident in Monsey awhile back and the club in Monticello that the kids were all hanging out at.  So does this surprise us? Not at all, if anyone is within 10 years of graduating High School (which we barely fit into) you would know that this is how our community is going towards. We know many single friends who haven’t been able to find anyone yet who are getting into their late 20s who ‘mess around’ because they can’t stand it. We know plenty of younger friends who have also done sexual acts before marriage in HS or beyond because of a variety of reasons – either being from their situations at home or because they got caught up in the crowd and in the end started doing stuff. However, what should the Frum Community really do about it?Hoping that people  will actually flag this post and respond, and then we’ll respond based upon the comments to this post, because we actually would like to hear from others besides our little group of friends we talk to about these things…so comment away people and thanks


Written by frombrooklyn

February 20, 2008 at 1:17 PM

8 Responses

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  1. Last year I became aware of this situation and it was a real eye opener.
    I dunno what the frum community can do about this.
    Maybe there can be classes given to teenagers about this, to not hide the fact that such a thing exists, but to teach them what could happen if they let themselves be swept up into this situation. That they should be more careful with being shomer. To teach them the value and importance of it. It seems like now all the teenagers have to come to this realization from their own, and for those who don’t have that conviction and get tempted by the American culture and peer pressure it can be hard for them. But if their taught in a good way the positive aspects of staying shomer then it might help.

    The Babysitter

    February 20, 2008 at 3:33 PM

  2. I don’t know if I understand what is being asked; what should the frum community do about preventing premarital sex? Or how should the frum community deal with those people engaging in premarital sex?


    December 4, 2008 at 3:06 AM

    • It’s really about how the frum community can help deal with these issues. It’s a combination of lack of proper sex education, lack of frank talk about these issues among the Rabbis, Teachers, Parents, and the Children.

      We all know this is wrong to do. However condemning people, making them feel like they are now ‘troubled people’ and ‘need to be kicked away’ is not the way to go. We know plenty of people who didn’t go off the derech more because they were accepted despite their ‘flaws’.

      Not saying that anyone should really go ahead and approve of these behaviors, but we need to stop the condemnations and realize that we need to publicly work together on these issues.


      December 8, 2008 at 1:48 PM

  3. A famous orthodox rabbi recently issued a decree forbidding premarital sex. He said that it may lead to “mixed dancing”.
    After you finish your chuckle, just consider this. No matter what level of non-observance, from hand-shaking, quick hug/cheekkiss, shmooching, petting, or going all the way, that there will always be someone or groups of someone to condemm.
    So ask them, if instead of going all the way, they were just smooching, would you be any happier? No?
    And so I realize that the types that would condem PMS would not be happy unless every teen and 20-something were Moshe Rebenus.
    My point is that no one is perfect, expecially those who sit in judgement. Even people who have pre-marital sex eventually marry and send their tsadicals to day-school and yeshiva.

    Baruch Atta

    December 8, 2008 at 8:28 PM

  4. And I didn’t understand….I thought ‘tefillin date’ was representing a group of guys who wear tefillin and were looking for a date…ie, Orthodox date.

    Nafal ha’asimon…just now. Wow. Uh, yipes. Uh….this doesn’t really happen, does it?


    December 9, 2008 at 7:27 AM

  5. Actually, I take that back…it happens, but it isn’t so widely spread, right?


    December 9, 2008 at 7:28 AM

    • it happens a lot more than people think. Go around the ‘single scene’ the one that has the mixers, single meets, etc. It does happen more will older singles but we know of guys and girls from Touro and other places in undergrad doing this


      December 9, 2008 at 3:45 PM

  6. Premarital???


    July 8, 2009 at 6:17 PM

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