Married and Navigating Jewish Life

Blogging about marriage and relationships

Someone commented on my post concerning how people wouldn’t marry certain people and made me rush off into this delightful comment which I shall entitle ‘smells like a Bais Hamikdash burning’

with 5 comments

Note: The commenter has stated that he was being sarcastic. We would also like to state that our comment was not directed at the blogger as a personal attack. Take it for what it is, an attack against anyone who feels that they can judge fellow Jews and decide that they are less than yourself.See original post here

The quoted text of the comment: “but don’t you realize that we are spiritually weaker and must be more careful than they were?”

Our response:Your first comment it sounds very much to me in line with the elitish higher than though approach that many are having today in the Yeshivsh/Black Hat world. There is no such thing as exempting someone because of their family or their background unless it is affecting the here and now. How can someone who wasn’t so religious in HS but then went to Israel and came back frummer than the boy next door be condemned because of his HS years? How can a convert raised from birth as an aishel chayil be put down because she is a gerus?And no, do not even dare state ‘well there are special circumstances’. There aren’t any. Either you are a Jew or you are not. Either you are religious or you are not. Want to marry someone with specific machmirs and follows certain Rabbis then fine. Want to marry someone because of their personality, midos, and looks? Go ahead. Not to marry someone because you feel that they are tainted by the fact they are BT, Convert, or you dislike their family? There is no such thing as that be allowed by Chazal/The Gemera/By HALACHA ITSELF. It sounds like to me the smell of the Bais Hamikdash shel Shemayim burning like the first two burned due to the fact that Jews turned on one another in this kind of manner. The buck doesn’t stop at shidduchim. It has continued onward in all aspects of personal and business association especially in the Black Hat/Yeshivish Communities – most notably in any community which is NY or can be considered ‘NYish’ such as Monsey, Lakewood, etc.It’s about time its stopped.


Written by frombrooklyn

December 1, 2007 at 10:38 PM

5 Responses

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  1. You are absolutely right. Some of the “rules” that our community lives by are so far off base halachically. We are supposed to be “dan et kol adam l’kaf zechut” (judge each person favorably), but instead, we make these predetermined judgements based on absurd irrelevancies. When my daughter gets married, I pray that she will look for a shidduch that is kind, intelligent, hardworking, and respectful. Whether or not he or his family were “frum enough” 10 years ago doesn’t matternow. We have to ask “who is this person NOW, and what direction is he likely to follow in the future?” Not one of us is so pure and untainted that we can discount other Jews as being not good enough.


    December 2, 2007 at 4:21 AM

  2. Thank you for your comment Chavi, you are absolutely correct


    December 2, 2007 at 6:33 AM

  3. hey, i was just kidding around with some sarcasm. you should have realized that, as i just commented on your nov. 1 post that i have nothing against BTs or gerim. i know you didn’t miss that comment because you claim to moderate your comments and because you don’t get that many comments to begin with. (just to be clear, i don’t mean that as an insult; i hardly get comments on my own blog.)

    but you want to dedicate a post in response to me and accuse me of fanning the flames of the churban? fine.

    i am friends with BTs and non-frum jews. i myself am married to a russian immigrant from a non-observant family. we are the shgotzim on our flatbush block. believe me, i have nothing against BTs or gerim.

    listen, i’m not going to make a big deal about this. but you are embarrassing yourself by overreacting. i’m not really that anonymous; i don’t currently use my name in my blog name or on my profile, but until recently i did both. even now i don’t hide my identity. my full name appears in past posts and i use it in private correspondence with all bloggers and commentors. most of my readers (all 12 of them) know who i am, including some who’ve commented here. i.e., to them your own self-righteous response sounds misplaced and simply foolish.

    my recommendation: you should probably delete my comments (here and there) and remove your references to me. keep this post up if you really want to (although i don’t think it is your best work) and adjust it so it reads as a general musing rather than as a response to bigoted blogger.

    one final comment: i don’t mind living with frummies that much; some are nice and some aren’t, like with any other population. what i do mind is that many frummies cowardly complain to no end about the lifestyle, restrictions and meshugas on completely anonymous blogs, but they won’t even raise a peep to their communal leaders, shuls and schools (i.e., where it really matters). in short, if someone disagrees, they should either speak up, learn to live with it or move out to a place where they fit in better. why more choose the fourth option (complacency, hypocrisy and whining) is the great flatbush mystery as far as i am concerned.

    not of course that any of this applies to you personally. after all, i have no idea who you are and i am sure that you would never do something only because you are worried about what the neighbors, relatives, friends, menahel, etc. might think. you are as vocal with your rabbonim, yeshivos and shuls as you are in the blogosphere. but hey, i always give someone the benefit of the doubt.

    Lion of Zion

    December 3, 2007 at 4:53 AM

  4. Oh we are definately as vocal with our Rabbis and when we discuss halacha and how Judiasm is with them as we are on our blog Lion.

    Sorry if you felt that it was a direct attack/flame against you. Your sarcastic comment (now that I see that you were being sarcastic and not being serious) fueled that comment and I shall be leaving it.

    We do remember your post however absolutely no offense with the following: Just because someone likes BTs/Gerim/etc and has stated they have nothing against them doesn’t mean that you would be like others Jews and judge that they wouldn’t be good enough to marry into your family or judge someone on something they did 5 years ago when they have clearly changed their ways.

    I shall edit the posts before and state that you were being sarcastic but we’ll keep up everything else.


    December 3, 2007 at 6:23 AM

  5. hnxjzffgicocyfawwell, hi admin adn people nice forum indeed. how’s life? hope it’s introduce branch 😉


    December 31, 2008 at 4:05 AM

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