Married and Navigating Jewish Life

Blogging about marriage and relationships

Archive for October 2007

Follow up to our ‘Sex Guide’ Post

with 7 comments

Which you can read here

Lot of good comments over there, please feel free to share your comments with us!

It does seem from the comments that there are books out there that are supposedly there for people to learn and for Rabbis/Teachers to use. However bringing those seforim up was not the issue we wished to bring up.

Why is is that the only places where these halachos/customs/ideas concerning sex in seforim that are either 1) Scattered throughtout creation (meaning the ideas and halachas are not in one place 2) A book brings together all the halachas but also skews it with the authors viewpoint or feelings on the matter (or for that matter what they felt was ‘decent’ at the time which made it a ‘custom’ which should be surmountable today given the fact that customs change with the land you live in – for those who do not know this see what is happening in Israel on a wide matters of halacha, esp. kitnious, due to the majority of Israeli/Sefardim VS the Ashkenazim there) 3) The book is only in hebrew and cannot be purchased unless you know a guy who knows a guy (sort of like buying drugs from a friend of a friend in a Yeshiva) or 4) Is in English but is so closedminded and uses only the halachos of Ravs that they felt was okay even though there has never been a concensus on what every halacha pertaining to martial matters has been so therefore it is more of what they hold is right instead of what the pure halacha is.

Given today’s society we live in it is vital that we shelter our children from the sexual awareness that permeates the air we breathe in America. However does this mean we need to keep our young people who are getting married/ready to get married or those who have gotten married from being able to understand just the halacha and what they can do in the bedroom?

Hashem created our bodies that they should receive pleasure when we are trying to create children. Martial Relations is about ensuring that the could can enjoy that aspect of the marriage since it is unique in creating a mental and physical connection between Husband and Wife. It should not be abused. It should not be dishonored.

How are we supposed to know what we can truly do and not do? Should we go ahead and read the goyish books on this matter? Allow our minds to be swayed by Lesbianism, BSDM, Voyeurism, Sadism, etc that might reach the cores of our beings if we would go out and decide to read up on the matter?

Truly there is a time for a sefer by a Rav who would actually come forward. Heck, someone who would come forward and make a book that is designed to be ready by a Jewish Man and Woman who are relatively frum and who wish to know more about sex and don’t wish to read about the abnormal behaviors or designs of the Goyim when it comes to sex.

Beyond that, if Jewish Girl HSs could give ‘Kallah Classes’ in their senior year then every Jewish HS should be able to give some form of classes about what the holiness of marriage/sex is and what they should be doing about it in their minds, their devotion to Hashem, and how they can get prepared for marriage in the future. While boys marry later than girls, they should be taught what is acceptable behavior, the tznius of themselves, and how they should be tznius with women/talking to women. Many girls marry at the age of 17/18/19 to make it acceptable for them to learn all about it.

Yeah, so we’re radicals. Wow, we want people to have access to information is a Jewish Style of way instead of learning it from the Goyim. We want practical marriage advise about sex and marital issues instead of this ‘oh lets be happy and think of your proper place in marriage’ books that are lining the shelfs of Jewish Book Stores. We don’t want to have people have to pay over $150 an hour to a marital therpist in Boro Park for issues that they might of avoided if they learned more about the true martial aspects of a Jewish Marriage. We would like to see practical advise for our teenage children as they suffer from those hormones inside of themselves. We want to see real answers to real issues and not having Schools, Rabbis, and Parents/Married People hide their heads in the sand and just say ‘oh well’.

Time to get with the times. Go over to Imamother.com or Calmkallahs.com. See the posts that are truly real on those sites and see how heartbreaking it is to hear about some of these issues. See how it is tearing some people apart because they have no where else to turn to, that they do not have a Rav to ask or a sefer that could of informed them of these ideas that could of helped them a long time before they have gotten to that point.

Time to wake up.

Written by frombrooklyn

October 21, 2007 at 12:40 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

Why isn’t there a how to sex guide for Jews?

with 15 comments

Well, why isn’t there?

Among our discussions with our friends these last fews weeks we have realized that yet the usual discussion concerning sex, our ravs, etc comes up. Probably when our children are old enough to understand our words these conversations will end; but for now this is what we discussed.

And we were all talking about the fact that there has yet to actually really be one book that would actually bring together all the different opinions, rulings, and ideas of the Ravs for the last couple of thousands years, but there isn’t. There have never been definate rulings on many of the issues that plague married couples today at all.

And why? Why is it? When we asked our teachers before we got married when we were doing our classes why we were told ‘that is how it is’. No explaination, no being told where it says it, etc.

We see that everyone is confused on these issues. Further than that many people are confused on how to actually do things in the bedroom!

We understand that there will never be a orthadox Rav (who is respected in those circles) will never come out with such a book, but shouldn’t someone finally come out and do this? At least make this book only available to Chason/Kallah Teachers and Married Couples through Specific Ravs and Teachers?

Written by frombrooklyn

October 15, 2007 at 3:03 AM

Posted in advise, From us, halacha, sex