Married and Navigating Jewish Life

Blogging about marriage and relationships

About Technology (Part One and 1/2): Rant against Internet affected Marriages

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Part One can be found here

This rant is due to the fact that a recent conversation with a few friends have spawned the seed of this post that finally sprouted into a full fledged post that you are reading right now.

As adults we have certain responsibilites and free will that is supposed to be used to direct ourselves to helping our lives, our marriages, our children, and the society around us.

The Internet is a great tool to be used but as with every tool if it is used wrongfully the damage can be great.

There is not a day that goes by that we hear about new issues involving the internet and spouses having issues. This is not a discussion of the possible problems of internet addiction but just a post reflecting how one can use the internet wrongfully.

First, series of questions for you all to answer first.

Do you feel the need to always check your email and not your family first?

Are you always on AIM no matter what (even if you have an away message on)?

Do you go ahead and read sexual explicit writings?

Do you watch webcams?

Do you go to sexual explicit websites?

Do you spend more time online than you do with your family?

Do you communicate mainly with friends and family through the internet?

Do you often stay up late online when you could be asleep in bed with your spouse or at least in the same room as them?

Do you have to hide your internet usage from family?

Now some of you might answer yes to one, or yes to many of the above questions, but in the end its still comes down to the one boiling point: If you are online and it is affecting any aspect of the life between you and your family there is an issue about it.

Obviously there are differences of levels between many of the questions. One might choose the convinience of email to keep in touch with friends and family even though phone and visits are more personal but the Husband or Wife that feel they need sexual release through internet sites is something which should shake your very core.

However they all have the same beginnings. Once you begin to take your family/spouse out of the center of your life you begin to lose them. They are not the focus of every action that you are doing. You change the circle and eventually you need the internet more and more to the point that it has begun to replace the family that you love. You begin to need the people you talk to on the internet, the people you meet on the internet, the people you can see on the internet to flll a void inside you. You fill that void with something that should not be there and it begins to affect you. You start to lie about why you are online, who you are talking to, and eventually it can lead to larger problems.

Is there any reason why anything should ever replace your family? No there isn’t.

So, we implore all of our readers to think seriously about their internet usage. Are you online too much? Is it the focal point of your life? Do you feel you are neglecting your family? Then we ask you to get offline and begin to spend more time with your family.

It does sadden us when we hear stories that are directly related with using the internet and how it is ripping families apart. While it might not be the only issue, the internet is an issue which can expand and suck everything into it like a large black hole. There are so many sites online which can pull you in and cause you to become a totally different person than you were three seconds before.

This might be a funny post from a couple who have a blog on here and actively are online a lot, however, this is not an issue of us (though we can testify that we are guilty of being online sometimes too much and that we work extremely hard to ensure that our families are the center of our world and nothing else) but this is an issue of signifigant far reaching areas.

So why did we write this? Because to be honest we have a hard time understanding what makes people go to the internet and ignore their families. That they go ahead and lie about the internet usage. That they get their pleasure and fun from the internet instead of ensuring that they are getting that from their families. If someone could really truly explain it to us we would actually be very indebted to that person because we really don’t. We know friends who are suffering from these issues and we wonder how does it ever happen? Are we just lucky that we didn’t fall into the black hole? Is it something that everyone has to experience and suffer through as an initiation to keep the internet, like a kaparah?

As this is a rant there really is no real ending point, rants can be like that sometimes. We’d just like to reinerate the following point. Internet can be addictive, it can take over your lives, and please make sure that the internet doesnt hurt your family. If you see yourselves falling down that slippery path then we suggest you find the help you need to not fall.

Remember, if you replace your family with something you might in the end lose your family completely.

/end rant


Written by frombrooklyn

March 2, 2007 at 6:36 AM

One Response

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  1. We found this wonderful post of yours while surfing for Our Site.

    We have a number of articles on this subject. It is so far kept in the closet in most places. Please feel free to share them with your friends.


    March 9, 2007 at 10:00 PM

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