Married and Navigating Jewish Life

Blogging about marriage and relationships

Tznius, how it changes our perspective on our daily lives

with 2 comments

So, we got married and enjoyed the carefree (if you can call the hectic stress of marriage carefree) ‘newlywed’ time we had with one another. Now, during while we are in the house by ourselves we are not tznius in the least bit to be able to be in front of any other person. PJs are so much more comfortable and why have to leave the sheital or snood on if no one is around? We followed what we were taught, and this was allowed, so it was all fun being able to relax around one another. Even during the times we had to be a part it was nice to be comfortable around one another.

However, our bundle of joy has arrived.

This has changed our perspective, and this exact event has made me realize why parents seem to be ‘backwards’ in comparison to us. How can you expect the wild sex, the half nakedness, the entire unhindered passion and romance within a marriage if you have to worry about someone being able to watch while Mommy and Daddy decide to try and make a new sibling.

It’s a strange feeling to have, this epiphany towards the relation of tznius and the household of marriage. Children bring responsibilities, much more than just having to raise them properly. As a frum couple we now realize that we need to rearrange our priorities. Now we need to protect him from ideas which could corrupt him at too young of age. This means having to restrain ourselves, control ourselves, and have to wear the constricting garments we have to wear when we go into the outside world.

Does this end an era? No, it just makes us want to push harder to make sure that things between us are as hot as ever. It makes us want to work that much harder. While we need to now begin to learn how to shield our child and iy’h children in the future, it doesn’t mean we have to stop…we just have to be more creative and keep it behind the doors of our bedroom.

I do wonder if this makes it sad for some people, that now the intimacy in a relationship is basically behind a locked door now. However one can look at it that now since its behind a locked door it makes it all the more ‘wild’ to actually do all the things that you wish to do with your spouse. To find the time, to plan, and to execute the plans can be daunting and ensuring that you are composed of tzniun in dress as well as speech.
I do remember a phrase once, “Doesn’t matter if the door is locked as long as you have the key to get into the room”…as long as we focus on remembering our keys for one another the locked door isn’t locked to us, we just make sure that its locked for others.


Written by frombrooklyn

March 1, 2007 at 6:23 AM

2 Responses

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  1. And that is why God created the calm kallah forum for the wierdest places you have done it- such as the bathroom at chop and nosh. It is also why the term “quickie” was created. Get the kid some earmuffs will ya.


    March 1, 2007 at 6:50 PM

  2. ROTFL


    March 1, 2007 at 8:03 PM

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