Married and Navigating Jewish Life

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Thank you both Lakewood Kollel Wife (scroll to Start Our Own School) and Independent Frum Thinker for giving me the inspiration for this Motzei Shabbas post.

And I was just talking to my wife about these ideas.

It saddens me to see this happen among the children who need a proper education. How our children need to be able to go to school in a safe and productive enviroment. How much is this pressure hurting families? children?

Does anyone know what kind of pressure this can do to a growing psyche? If the parents even give over half the pressure they are under onto their daughter, do you want to know the effects? I’ll tell you what they are, and proper psychologist could also, it is disasterous. Our children are already under enough pressure. They have to be good Jews, learn what they can and cannot do, learn two different sets of curriculum, have double the workload any other school child has, less sleep, more pressure on how they should act, talk, speak, dress in public…and we do this to them? How can we call this humane? Why isn’t there more of an outcry concerning this?

Yes, there is no outcry. Parents are not screaming their thousands of voices in protect. Why do you ask? How can you yell at the Rabbis and the Schools who have the prestige, the clout, the power, the schools that we want our daughters to go to. How can anyone think of actually telling them that what they are doing is wrong?

My understanding is that the Boys Yeshivas have the same issues but it isn’t as bad as the girls, the girls are far worse.

How can we call this normal? I asked my wife to ask some of her friends about typical pressures they had in Elementary School and High School in the NYC area and here is that list (over 20 young women recently graduated within the last 5 years from 5 different high end schools asked)

Dress (style, jewelry, color, etc)
Looks (how skinny)
Hair Style
Academic Excellence
Family History (who their parents are, any big Ravs in the family, how their siblings are, how their entire family has acted, if they are BT, etc)
Family’s Work (what they do for a living, how much money, what professions)

And then after that many of them are pressured that they should only go after Kollel Boys despite whatever their families can actually afford because that is what a proper Jewish Girl should do.

And these pressures are put upon them no later than 9th grade by the school they are in. And woe to any girl who is black listed because she can forced to go to a ‘trouble school’ and have trouble later on in life.

I would love to see if anyone would disagree with our profile of the situation…if this is really not the case or if you think that this is the proper way for Jewish Girls, the next generation of mothers, to be raised and pressured.


Written by frombrooklyn

February 18, 2007 at 12:51 AM

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