Married and Navigating Jewish Life

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To be or not to be

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So have been giving this one a lot of considerable thought

Since the birth of our child the following question has popped up into my head again…why do we have such a fense placed around husband and wife? Of course if you are married and religious you know the fence I am talking about is the halachas of nidda.

I understand the basic laws that have to deal with the seperation, but I always have wondered about the extras the Ravs had placed up. The not allowing the touch, to pass items, sleep in the same bed, etc…that is what I don’t understand, especially with the birth of our child.

I don’t understand how those laws could of been made. How can you not help your wife? How can you not pass your child? How can you not do the million little things that violate the principles of those laws when you need to when your wife needs you? I had to ask a Rav to make sure I was absolved? It made me feel like I was Christian and needed to go to the Priest to confess my sins to allow me to continue to do it.

On the other hand we have almost slipped, which makes me remember why we have these laws, but when I say slipped I mean that we almost hugged or did a friendly kiss. How is this against anything? We just had a child and we can’t hold the baby together?

It is utter madness. We follow because we have to, not because our minds agree with it. But it still doesn’t make any sense to me at all.

I wish out there was an answer to all of it, would be nice to hear a reason to why these extra fences were established instead of just relying upon the ‘this is what you are told’ mantra of Orthadox Judiasm today.

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Written by frombrooklyn

February 4, 2007 at 5:00 AM

Posted in From us, Marriage, Tznius

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