Married and Navigating Jewish Life

…seriously. To all our readers. If you even just enjoy this blog please go to The JIB Awards and vote for us as best new blog in catagory B. We have over 300 unique hits a day and only 18 votes for us. So, we are just asking that you take the time, click on the link, go through the word verification and vote for us. They do not ask for your name or email.

Thanks

/Wife and Husband

The thread was called How long have you gone without sex?, and as my normal self didn’t take me more than a minute to respond. Now why are we reposting it on this blog? Because, we felt that our writing in that particular thread was good advise and wanted to share it with our readers. So grab the popcorn and read on.

What we initially wrote:

2 weeks due to nidda and 6 weeks due to the birth of our child…normally, avg never more than two days

Someone commented back to us the following:

You say you have a baby b’h. Are you really serious about averaging two a day. First of all Isnt your wife ever too tired. Arent you guys ever in a fight? And what do you do for a living? Doesnt your job keep you out late sometimes? [I am not a sexist, I apologize if I am talking to Mrs. Brooklyn.]

How is it possible.

Does anyone else out there relate to my question? Or am I just missing out big time?

We saw that he had misread so we commented the following:

1) You misread my post. I said we havent gone more than two days without sex.

2) Yes, on average, if we arent tired/busy with work (usually only Shabbas or Sundays) we do it twice a day

3) When one of us is tired, we tell each other that. However, I hold myself to what my Chason Teacher told me and that if my wife wants, and I am not on the verge of falling asleep and unable to keep my eyes open, I should see to her needs. I find the strength to go for the half hour it takes to make love to her. Why? Because I love her and I want to make sure that she gets what she is entitled to. Beyond that, we both try and please each other in that regard and there has never been a time that I have ever done it because it is an obligation, nor has she done that either. We do it out of love and we find the strength we need. There is a difference between tired and exhaustion…start finding the line and then you’ll see what you can and cannot do at night (or during the day).

Plus, who says you need to do it at bed time? Find the time during your child’s nap during the day, in the morning, etc. Bed time is not sex time. Sex time is when you make it.

4) What we both do for a living doesn’t matter for this discussion. You either find the time and strength to have sex when you want to or you don’t. Work is not an excuse to cause issues with your marriage and family life. If come home late for whatever reason, why would that affect that?

5) Fights? Of course we fight. However, we do make up, and we don’t go to bed angry or upset with one another. Its a rarity that such an issue would affect that. The point of marriage is work through the differences between one another and forge a single bond and create a new family. Allowing fights to affect one of the fundamental foundations of marriage is something people shouldn’t allow. If it does affect yours (and yours as whoever is reading this) suggest you consider thinking of either having a heart to heart talk with your spouse or see someone about it.

Bottom line people, when you have marital relations with your spouse the only two people that affect when it happens and what happens during it is the two of you. If you allow work, fights, disagreements, the inability to please the other, and even tireness to affect it then you are allowing it to affect that aspect of your lives. We all have choices and the choice is are you going to allow this to be affected or not. As long as the two of you are okay with your choices then what difference does it make how often you are together?

Now someone commented favorably about our post but asked another question:

FromBrooklyn,
You guys are an inspiration. Unfortunately, in some marriages, there is one spouse who has no problem for instance, going to bed angry. Or sometimes another spouse isn’t interested in sex. When my DH gets upset, and very often it happens over literally next to nothing, he goes to bed angry, wakes up angry, and we are definitely not having sex. He constantly tries to improve his anger issues but he hasn’t reached the finish line yet.
Oh, and I forgot about the length of time we didn’t have sex after the kids. That was the hardest ever!

And our response:

That is true, but as far as I know, Chason and Kallah Teachers (well they are supposed to teach) that you aren’t allowed to go to bed angry with one another.

You can be hurt, you can be upset, but in the end…yes, you didn’t like what your spouse did but what are you going to do about it. Are you going to take control of the situation and not allow it to affect your marriage or are you going to allow it to control your marriage.

If people do have problems allowing fights and such instances affect their marriage to the point that they are going to bed so angry with one another and not having sex due to it, you have a bigger problem than just not sex. Those kind of issues need to be rectified before it possibly causes bigger problems.

Thanks for Jewish Bisexual for putting this on her blog and bringing it to my attention. Below is her post, but please, do her the credit where credit is due and check her blog out as well.

Please be advised!

It took for Hisachdus an additional 3 days to take off the hashguche after OK had already done so on Monday?
Sources tell us that hisachdus actually picked up a check there on Wednesday, only then did they proceed to take off the hasgucha,
Shame on them! Again!

Kashruth Alert: Mezonos Maven loses Hashgocha click on link for article

Please be advised that OK Kosher no longer certifies MEZONOS MAVEN (Brooklyn, NY). This is due to lack of cooperation in the implementation of their Kashrus standards. In addition, on Thursday, the Hisachdus issued a letter giving three general reasons for removing their hashgachah. The following is a paraphrase from the Lashon Kodesh letter hanging in the hallway of a local shul: 1)They violated Kashrus policies numerous times; 2)They limited the mashgichim and refused to give them unfettered access to all areas of the plant; 3)They forbade employees from answering questions posed by the mashgichim.

The voting is open over by JIB, Go to here – We are in Group B for Best New Blog and then vote for us if you like our blog. Or if you hate us vote for someone else lol. In any case we ask all of our loyal readers (which btw is over 200 unique hits a day) to please go and vote for us.

Thank you

/Husband and Wife

Ynet has a great article from Tali Farkash about the following.

Why are Jews racist, and when we say racist even against Jews who are of a different race. It has to end, because no one has the right to belittle another Human Being, no one. How can we state that we want Moshiach if we tell our children its okay to hate?

5 Towns Jewish Times has a great article about the ads which are currently trying to trick voters into believing that the Private Schools are out to swindle the Public School System. While we have not decided what we feel on the whole school district debate over there, we all know what has been happening in the blog sphere because of it. Anyways, go and read the article and if you live in the 5 Towns go out and vote!

JPost Article brought to my attention by Kmelion states that some Bais Yakkov Girls were punished in Netanya because they stood during the siren which commemorated the moment of silence for Holocaust Day.

Haredim apparently feel that the siren is a goyish custom. While I can understand that, some people don’t hold that way, and to punish those students who feel differently is just completely wrong.

Lakewood Kollel Wife put up a new post from one of her readers which complained about the fact that the Bais Yakkovs teach too much and the girls don’t need to learn all that information.

That reminded me of that so many people in Brooklyn believe that boys just need to learn gemara and be in kollel.

Sigh…

…Okay, can we please open up our eyes? We are in golus, Jews do need to make money in this forsaken capitalist land that we live in. The fact of the matter is that the Yeshivish Community and their ideals of these boys just going on and on with their learning will end up being unrealistic. What will happen to these boys when they realize kollel checks do not support a family and that Mommy and Daddy cannot give them a check to help them out?

We have the highest respect those who can and do learn in Kollel, but you also need to be realistic in that if you need to go and get a job to ensure your family lives well then you need to do what you need to do.

Now that we have stopped our ranting, to comment on what Lakewood Kollel Wife’s poster said.

Why would we want our children to not learn more? To have a better ability of making it in the world? Especially when there is a huge rising cost of Jewish Living? People need to be able to make enough money to pay for being Jewish and you don’t get that by sitting at home, or being an unlicensed teacher, or working at the corner store…you need to become a professional in the world and these Bais Yakkov schools at least grudgingly admit that. The girls do need to learn to make money in the world especially since they are pushed to go and marry kollel boys.

Now our complaint is this. Why don’t the boy schools have the same curriculum? Why can’t they teach the boys like the girls are taught? Where are the parents complaining about that?

It’s sad, but true, that people neglect secular education when it comes to the boys but only want top notch for the girls.

Anyways, we need to some sleep. Just the whole issue makes both of us sad.

Below is the Vaad Letter that indicates that the Rabbis in the Baltimore are going to be begin organizing themselves to combat and deal with sexual abuse. We can hope, sincerely, that all cases of sexual abuse are of course also told to the proper government officials in accordance to the law of the Nation.

Just wanted to promote it, go and read Krum as a Bagel